


the best

by yikelliot



Series: eyewitness week october 2017 [3]
Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, Date Night, Date planning, Dating, Established Relationship, Eyewitness Week, Internal angst, Lukas is in Love, M/M, Philkas Week, Self-Destruction, So much angst, Swearing, gay shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-18
Updated: 2017-10-18
Packaged: 2019-01-19 08:01:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12406335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yikelliot/pseuds/yikelliot
Summary: lukas' stomach hurts. a lot.(or lukas planning the date night that i headcanon happening if lukas wasn't shot)





	the best

What do people think love is?

We have this materialistic view of affection and romance: candy and flowers and gifts. But does anyone really care for them? Do replaceable things really fill the void of the desperate need to feel wanted— to have purpose?

I really don’t think so. 

Tommy and Tracy loved each other, right? Sure, they made out left right and centre, but surely that was their way of showing each other that they truly cared? Perhaps not.

Maybe I could love Philip. Maybe he’d stick around long enough for me to destroy myself completely. My emotional state is wrecked beyond repair. Shot in the vitals like the men in the cabin.

I can’t do this.

Yes I can. It’s just a date. I can do this.

What does Philip even like doing? I’m a terrible person to date. He won’t like me. I honestly don’t know what he sees in me.

Philip is an angel. He deserves the best and has all he needs to get it. Incredible beauty, smarts, and too much kindness for his own good. He’s been through so much. I want to give him everything. I want nothing to do with him. I think I love him and I hate that I do.

My stomach hurts.

No one truly loves me. But maybe I can make Philip feel as if someone cares for once.

I want to take him on my bike. Drive him round town then into the city. Just… make him happy. I desperately want, need to make this boy happy. He’s driving me crazy.

But I don’t deserve him. I punched him, cursed him out, called his mom a junkie. I fucked up, big time. He doesn’t need someone like that in his life. He should never have been through what I put him through. I can’t stand myself for it.

I want to— have to protect him, but my subconscious yearns for destruction.

I should let him go. Give him the freedom to find someone who doesn’t hurt him, who deserves him and treats him right. But I can’t. I still have to try. I want this. I want him so badly it makes my skin crawl.

I will give him flowers and be materialistic. I’ll kiss him in alleyways and on quiet park benches. I will take him places and experience new things with him. I’ll keep teaching him how to ride my bike. I’ll hold his hand and never let him go.

Now onto the actual date?

There’s a tech shop downtown with a bunch of camera stuff. I have enough cash, I can take him there. We’ll get ice cream and talk and maybe I’ll tell him more about my mom. Maybe I’ll tell him I love him.

No. Bad idea. Terrible idea.

We can walk the streets and Philip can take pictures. I’ll hold his hand and just watch him. Just take in the fact that this gorgeous boy is all mine. Probably not for long, although I don’t want to think about it. I cannot handle losing him. I won’t lose him.

Philip deserves the best.

And I’ll try my damn hardest to give it to him.

**Author's Note:**

> this one is a lot shorter  
> i cannot leave the angst, it's my calling  
> btw all my fics are pretty much connected (you can read them in whatever order but they follow the same timeline kinda)
> 
> this is also on tumblr:
> 
> thank you for reading! hope you enjoyed!  
> ~Lee


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